A sociology professor is visiting the newsroom, interviewing everyone about changes to the industry in an effort to save our livelihood. We are the fifth newspaper he’s shadowing. I sat down with him for a one-on-one yesterday and really hope he meant it when he said all responses were confidential, or else I can kiss my job good-bye.
I love giving presents. Unfortunately my job doesn’t not give me the cash flow I need to give all the presents I want (I knew I should have been a university professor).
I’m a planner, so that helps keep my gift shopping in check. While I;m not a great saver, I have learned to set aside money when I can for birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc. I’m also better as saving receipts, so I can return those darn impulse buys. Clipping coupons, taking advantage of store discounts, etc. also are part of my shopping regimen.
My husband says I prepare for grocery shopping the way other countries prepare for war.
The thing about me, though, is that I like my gifts to have a theme. I’m very big with themes. When a good friend was married a few years ago, I bought her a newleywed cookbook, a gift card to the grcery store and a cookbook holder. In lieu of a bow, I used heart-shaped cookie cutters in several sizes. Another friend had popcorn bowls on her registry, so I bought those and included a couple boxes of microwave popcorn and a movie rental gift card. For my 10 year wedding anniversary, I bought my husband 10 $10 gift cards. I then hid them all over the house (he worked from home the day of our anniversary) and looked forward to his e-mail every time he found another one. (Bonus! I knew when he folded the laundry because I hung one card over the dryer.)
A good friend of mine is expecting her first baby in a month. I already hosted a baby shower for her, but I will send a gift once the baby is born. Being a reader, I think I’ll make it a book-themed present, but I want to do more than just send a pile of baby books.
Any thoughts?
My husband and I celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary today. The year we got married, so did six other couples. Half have since divorced. Seeing as we were regarded as the “shotgun marriage” — we had known each other less than a year and were expecting — it’s kind of funny that we reached our first decade.
Being married is not easy. To be honest, there were time I didn’t think we’d make it to 10 years. But I can honestly say our relationship now is stronger than its ever been. We enjoy being each other. We’ve learned how to talk to each other. We don’t let the little things become big things. And when a fight is over, it’s done. There is no rehashing. Someone asked me today what are secret is, seeing as we have demanding careers and two young children as home. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer, but here’s my advice.
1. Like each other. When you first are attracted to someone, there’s all this passion. Passion fades. If you don’t like the person you marry, you won’t have much to fall back on when the passion is no longer there.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We saw a marriage counselor for almost two years. There’s no shame in that. She helped us learn how to talk to each other. I readily tell my friends having marriage issues to seek help. If anything, a counselor provides a non-biased views of the issue. Our counselor saw us together once a week for 18 months. We both had one private session, but we were not allowed to talk about our spouse during that time. I thank her for her fairness.
3. Spend time together. You don’t have to do the same thing or even like the same thing. My husband and I have very little in common in terms of interests, but we find ways to spend together. Recently we’ve been watching all the iconic movies of the 1980s we never saw, like “Fletch” and “Airplane!” We saw “The Godfather” for the first time on Bravo a couple of months ago and make a weekend out of viewing the trilogy.
4. Spend time apart. You know how you love your best friend, but after awhile he or she starts to get on your nerves? Your spouse isn’t any different.
5. Don’t expect your spouse to be your best friend. I can’t stand people who say they married their best friend! I love my husband and he is a great friend, but he’s not my best friend because she is the person I go to when he’s driving me nuts. Again, don’t be afraid to have relationships/friendships beyond your marriage. You need them!
6. Trust, trust, trust. It is the most important aspect of a marriage. You have to trust your spouse. You have to trust them with finances, with your children, with your life. You have to let him go out with his friends and not call every 15 minutes to ask why he isn’t home yet. He has to trust you to do the same. Our marriage counselor was amazed at the amount of trust my husband and I have for each other. Yes, our marriage was in rough shape, but it wasn’t because he’d be out one night and I’d go out the next. I never once considered cheating, nor did he. It’s a deal breaker for us and, knowing that, makes it so much easier to live our lives together and apart. If you are keeping secrets from your spouse, whether its a credit card bill he doesn’t know about or the fact that you and your former college boyfriend are facebook friends, come clean. It’s isn’t worth it. Remember, if you think something is wrong, it’s wrong.
7. Love each other. It’s so easy to get caught up in day-to-day living and forget to show your spouse how much he or she means to you. Do something every day to show you care. It can be a quick back rub before falling asleep, a kiss on the cheek as you leave for work, unloading the dishwasher without being asked, giving him control of the remote control, or a “I’m thinking of you” text. It’s the little things that mean the most.
My daughter wants a nickname. My son has one — a shorter version of his given name. Since she has a short name, we add letters and syllables to her name and say that her nickname, or call her Sug (short for sugar — not Suge Knight) or Memmy Pie (I don’t know how that started). But that’s not good enough for her.
Last fall, she told me her nickname was Rose and to call her that. She doesn’t have red hair. Neither of her two middle names are related to Rose — or any other flower for that matter. I said no, I liked her name. and I was going to call her that. Fast forward to this weekend and, while at a baby shower, she goes up to a group and says “I like carnations. So you can call me that.”
If she’s like this at eight, I don’t want to know what life will be like at 14.
I love my library. I live in one of the most literary communities in the world (seriously, the town has made international lists recognizing that fact) and the public library is always jumping. My husband and I took the kids to the library last weekend and had to walk through crowds — something that never happened the years we lived in Missouri.
My goal this year was to read all of the books in my ”to read” pile. The problem is my “to read” pile is actually a five-shelf bookshelf, stuffed with books. And some, I’m finding, I bought so long ago that my tastes have changed, yet I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. (Note: I donated about 300 paperbacks to Goodwill last summer, when we moved into our new house.)
That’s where the library enters the equation. I have been good about not buying books and adding to my “to read” pile, but instead of reading those, I go to the library and check out what I normally would by. Better for the checkbook? Yes. Helping me meet my goal of actually ridding our home of some of its books? No.
I finished Susan Elizabeth Phillip’s What I Did For Love last night. A cute, quick read about a former sitcom actress who went through a very public divorce and finds herself married to her arch enemy after a crazy night in Vegas. Since her husband left her for another actress determined to save the world, I think Jennifer Aniston was Phillip’s inspiration. A cute read. I recommend it.
I also finished Jen Lancaster’s Such A Pretty Fat. Why did I wait so long to read her books? I love her!
I’m on my library’s waiting list for the latest JD Robb book, so this weekend (the only weekend this month where none of us have plans) is the perfect opportunity to tackle my Everest and finish a book or two from the “to read” pile.
Wish me luck!
Today was one of those days when a word, any word, sparked a whole new conversation. It began with one colleague talking about The Office and how much she loves it (and why wouldn’t she?). Everyone started quoting their favorite episodes, music got into the conversation, one person started dancing (all of our editors were in a meeting), and then Journey became part of the conversation. I’m not quite sure how one goes from Michael Scott’s 5K Run to benefit rabies to Journey, but it was nice to have a normal (OK, odd) conversation for a change. This place has been so depressing since the layoffs.
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My daughter is in Girl Scouts/Brownies. This is her first year. And I got suckered into being the troop leader. I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time, but luckily my troop consists of nine 7, 8 and 9-year-old girls. They don’t know what’s going on either.
We sold Girl Scout cookies last month. Those things are much easier to offload than the overpriced popcorn my son had to sell for Boy Scouts. But now we’re at the delivering part of it and, really, there’s other things I rather do on the evenings I’m home. I was so proud of her for selling nearly 300 boxes of cookies, I forgot we’d have to traipse all over our neighborhood again to make deliveries and pick up money. Luckily, people are thrilled when they open the door and see her standing there, holding a box of Thin Mints or Caramel deLites (formerly Samoas).
When did Caramel deLites/Samoas become so popular? I’m not a coconut fan, so I can’t relate, but box for box, E. told as many of those as Thin Mints. I’m a Shortbread cookie girl myself, although the Lemonades are good, too.
The troop made nearly $600 from all of our cookie pushing. The girls want to go camping. Hell no!
